Sunshine’s Word of the Day | Stressed

Another semester has come to an end finally.  I am thoroughly enjoying my spring break.  Grades finally posted.  I did well, nothing abnormal about my grades.  How I am beginning to feel about school is a little abnormal.

I’ve never liked school.  That’s not different.  However, as of late I’ve started taking too many shortcuts.  Last term I stopped reading for my Sociology class altogether.  I didn’t really need to read for my Website Development class because I taught myself HTML years ago.  I just read the materials in the nodes and went over any reading material that I didn’t know, like CSS.  Why?  Well…

While William was gone things were hard.  I had to do sometimes 10 chapters worth of reading and keep the house afloat.  I know people do it all the time, and I feel guilty for whining about it, but it was hard.  William hasn’t deployed in YEARS.  Since 2008.  So keeping my head above water wasn’t an easy task.  I am used to him helping me.  I am free to focus on school and I fit house stuff in where I can fit it in.  With him gone, I was responsible for practically everything, plus I was still doing my normal everyday stuff.

The holidays were especially hard because the last thing I wanted to do was focus on school.  I wanted to be free to enjoy my holiday, but even William fucked that up.  I found out just before Thanksgiving that he had been cheating on me again.  Happy fucking holiday to me.

Okay, this is taking an ugly turn.

I’m stressed.  I have much too much on my plate.  I’ve lost interest in the one thing that makes me happy.  Yes I hate school, but it also makes me feel good about myself.  It makes me feel smart (sometimes).  It keeps my mind busy and keeps me focused.  But as of late… even that isn’t enough.

I don’t like dumping my personal stuff here anymore.  But if I can’t be free to be me here, then where can I be.  I am not trying to solicit kind words of encouragement.  That’s not who I am.  But I need to feel like someone understands what I am going through too.  I am tired of feeling guilty for whining about how hard things have been and how I never feel like I have time for anything other than school, when I know there are much bigger issues to have.  So because I feel guilty, I slap a smile on my face and I post happy flower photos, when all I really want to do is cry and eat lol.

Okay… I’m changing the subject back to school now.

Anyway, for my Intro to Website Development class I got a 95.44%.  I screwed up an aspect of my week two turn in and there was no rebounding from it lol.  For my Diversity in American Life class I got a 100%. I really hated this class.  It was steeped in hatred and I’m really glad it is over.  The instructor sucked as well.  I am not even convinced that she ever read my turn ins or paid attention to the fact that I turned in an assignment late.  Because as you can see I got a perfect 100%.  At least it is over now.  I have 2 weeks to clear my head.

So how is your day going?  Got anything you need to get off of your chest?

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I'm a Mother, a Military Wife, a Student, a Blogger, and an Amateur Photographer. I may wear many hats, but deep down I'm still me.

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