How much crap are you supposed to take off of a person before you have to let them go?
I am a child of the 70’s. My parents were stubborn, carefree, and careless… so they ended up with me. Neither of them wanted another child, neither of them were prepared for the responsibilities of having one child let alone two. So I ended up with my Grandmother. We won’t discuss her today. Today we talk about my father.
He is not a great man. He has not learned from his many mistakes. But he is my Father. I am the only child other than maybe my baby sister that has held on to a relationship with him of sorts. I am the only person willing to call and text him and keep the lines of communication open. He is a 61-year-old teenager. Everything is his way or the highway and when you don’t agree with him he calls you names as if he were 3 years old. It’s harsh.
Before we moved from Colorado in December I called him to let him know we were moving. He was excited that I was moving back to the East coast. We started talking, and pretty soon we got onto a hot button topic. I knew better, but even when you manage to divert a conversation he has a way of bringing it back around to what he wants to talk about. The conversation was about prisoners and the prison system.
My Dad has done time. He was stupid and did some stupid shit. It’s behind him, but he thinks like a criminal. It’s an unfortunate side effect of going to prison apparently. He feels sorry for prisoners. Me, I’m on the opposite side of this, I have worked at a prison. I have very little remorse for people that don’t know how to behave and get themselves in trouble. You see the conflict don’t you?
Needless to say, this argument ended with him calling me names. He made sure I knew how unfeeling and cold I was before hanging up on me. Real mature.
I am taking a break from my Dad. I haven’t called him since December. I haven’t spoken or texted with him. I have ignored his Facebook messages. I am just really irritated that he feels the need to call me names simply because I don’t agree with him, and because he is my father I have to show him respect by not being, well, disrespectful to him. So I can’t say the things I really want to say to him.
However, now he is messaging my husband through Facebook as a way of trying to get my husband to take his side over mines. Who does that? Who tries to get between his daughter and her spouse as a means of winning some kind of argument?
Here is my question… how much are you willing to take off of the people in your life before you cut them off? Can you really cut off a family member or a parent for that matter?
I don’t like conflict, arguing, and negativity. And I don’t like drama. I have a bad temper and anger management issues. I try to keep the negativity at bay because it puts me in a seriously bad downward spiral that is hard for me to break away from. I have had to put the breaks on many relationships in my life including the one with my sister. (We are fine right now btw) But never my Dad. I am conflicted. He is my only living parent. Sure he didn’t raise me, but he is still my father. I don’t want to just cut him off, but I can’t believe his behavior, and I really don’t want to have anything to do with him right now.
Does it make me a bad person if I choose to not have a relationship with my father?