I Love You…

but I don’t like you. A phrase that I’ve used often. Usually in regards to my family members. I’ve heard God gives you the family you need not necessarily the family you want. I believe that, because I have a few family members I’d happily load up on the back of the truck and haul over to a yard sale, if I could.

My family has made me strong and forced me to stand up for myself. My Grandmother, God rest her soul, was harsh, stern, and extremely stubborn. I’m not 100% sure what happened in her life that made her the way she was, but she is the reason I am who I am. I guess if I had had a choice growing up I would have happily thrown her on the back of the truck with everyone else lol but as an adult, even though I’m pretty fucked up I’m grateful to her.

She took me in as a baby when no one else seemed to really want me or knew what to do with me. She raised me when my Dad was too busy being immature to care. She always kept food on the table, a roof over my head, and clothes on my back, even when she was sick. She never asked Dad for anything, mostly because she knew she couldn’t count on him for anything. So she was the family member that I needed in my life, when I needed her. Even if maybe she wasn’t the family member I would have chosen for myself.

I’m not close with my siblings. Mostly because none of us have the same Mother, with the exception of the newest addition to the family, my long lost brother Jojo. We weren’t raised together, yet we have a lot of the same quirks. Especially Aprill and I. Yeah you remember Aprill don’t you? lol. Daddy had her at the ripe old age of 16. Her Mother is Puerto Rican. I came along 6 years later, my mother was Black, Japanese, Irish, and Italian. I know a hell of a combination. I explain that so you’ll understand this next part. Aprill and I have two extremely volatile tempers. As long as I am taking her crap everything is fine… with her. As soon as I stand up for myself it’s Vietnam. Neither of us are in the least little bit passive. Neither of us are submissive. She likes to think because she’s the oldest that makes her the dominate sibling. So confrontations almost never end well.

If I could have flung her ass up on the back of my imaginary truck anywhere in the span of the last 30+ years I would have happily done it. She’s my sister and that is a horrible thing to say, but it’s way true. I needed her in my life for multiple reasons but I sure as hell didn’t want her. I needed her to help keep me strong. Hattie (our Grandmother) made me strong, but Aprill kept me that way.  She taught me to stand up for myself, while still being tolerant, and patient.  Yet another family member I wouldn’t have chosen for myself, but part of me is grateful she was chosen for me.

People, me included, bitch and moan about the family they have… but you’re never really grateful for the things, good things, they’ve brought to your life.  They bring something to your life that you wouldn’t otherwise have.  God gave them to you for a reason, you just have to get out of your own way to see what that reason is.

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I'm a Mother, a Military Wife, a Student, a Blogger, and an Amateur Photographer. I may wear many hats, but deep down I'm still me.

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